Gleeful elf king of Little Shit Kingdom Justin Bieber has just out-Biebered himself: the most devious imp to ever don a flat-rimmed baseball cap made his bodyguards carry him up the Great Wall of China. As an uncouth, wild-eyed barbarian who has been known to urinate upon images of other nation's former leaders, Justin Bieber is the exact type of person that the ancient Ming dynasty hoped to keep out.
Jay-Z is on the cover of Vanity Fair. In the interview, he says that Blue Ivy is his biggest fan and also tactfully tries to deny that his child prefers his music to Beyonce's (Blue Ivy definitely likes Jay-Z's music better):
She does like her mother’s music — she watches [Beyoncé’s concerts] on the computer every night... she loves all the songs [on Magna Carta Holy Grail]. She plays a song and she goes, ‘More, Daddy, more . . . Daddy song.’ She’s my biggest fan. If no one bought the Magna Carta [album], the fact that she loves it so much, it gives me the greatest joy. And that’s not like a cliché. I’m really serious. Just to see her — ‘Daddy song, more, Daddy.’ She’s genuine, she’s honest, because she doesn’t know it makes me happy. She just wants to hear it.”
On a more serious note, he discusses dealing crack (which he sold but never used). When asked if he felt guilty about contributing to the drug's epidemic, he responded, "Not until later, when I realized the effects on the community. I started looking at the community on the whole, but in the beginning, no. I was thinking about surviving. I was thinking about improving my situation. I was thinking about buying clothes."
Jay-Z also acknowledges that he would have to have been a very cool gas station attendant to have won over Beyonce's heart, if he had chosen that career path instead of being extremely rich and famous and successful. Like, he would have had to be the coolest gas station attendant in the world. A gas station attendant with the exact same personality as Jay-Z. [ONTD]
What are these Miley Cyrus Bangerz lyrics about? Are they about Liam Hemsworth? The government shutdown? Experimental fashion pants?:
"It seemed like everything was going fine then I accidentally saw a few things in your cell/ I don't really have much to say/I was over it the second that I saw her name/I got two letters for you/One of them is F and the other is U because what you gotta do is get yourself a clue."
(They are probably about experimental fashion pants). [E!]
What they're definitely not about is being pregnant with Juicy J's baby, as that is not an experience the young Cyrus has ever had. [Just Jared]
- Kaley Cuoco's fiance got nervous and picked a fight with her before proposing and it threw her off big time. Cool prank, sounds good, have fun you two crazy kids. [E!]
- Sexy muscle guy Bradley Cooper frolicked in the sea with his girlfriend Suki Waterhouse whilst wearing goggles on his head. Why didn't he get a pair of goggles for Suki? That's no fair. [Daily Mail]
- Kate Upton and her boyfriend (Maks from Dancing With the Stars) are a "very serious" couple now; they appeared in public making very serious facial expressions as proof of it. [People]
- Orlando Bloom said something about "feeding [his] juices", a delightful little phrase that I will leave open to interpretation. [Vh1]
- Britney Spears will not make her son dance on stage like an old-timey pauper in a cute little hat shuffling around by the gutter for coins. [TMZ]
- Who's that less handsome guy in the tank with Shia LeBeouf? [PopSugar]
- Kourtney Kardashian is trying to make the toddler turban happen. The toddler turban will never happen, because babies already look too much like Professor Quirrell for comfort. [People]
- Lena Dunham wrote a very sweet email to boyfriend Jack Antonoff, guitarist in that caterwauling monstrosity known as the band Fun. [People]
- Lady Gaga says Jeff Koons is making a sculpture of her for the 'ARTPOP' cover, uhhhh ok. A good thing about Lady Gaga's artist collaborations is that nothing can ever be more irritating than her collaboration with Marina Abramovic — so the only place we can go is up, I guess? [ONTD]
- Scarlett Johansson revealed her SAT score. Are You Smarter Than A Scarlett Johansson (According to An Essentially Meaningless Metric)? [ONTD]
- Kylie Jenner dyed her hair blond!!!!! BUT IS SHE GOING TO DYE IT BLUE? Wow, I am so glad I woke up this morning; the world is such an interesting place. [E!]
- Kanye West respects the French paparazzi, which is weird because it seems like disrespecting French paparazzi would be a very opportune moment for Kanye to utilize his new fun catch phrase ("Hurry up with my damn croissants"). [Bossip]
- Kelly Rowland wanted to get implants when she was 18 but her mom and Beyonce's mom told her to wait. [Bossip]