This tweet, from Jeremy Bieber’s father to his son, is the worst tweet I’ve ever seen. It’s so upsetting, in fact, that after finishing this post, I might have to throw my phone in the nearest river, go to the hardware store, buy a shovel, find an empty plot of land somewhere in the godforsaken town, dig a hole, and lie inside for a few days as I attempt to rid my brain of its memory.

By inserting himself into the national conversation about his son’s penis, Jeremy Bieber has broken the first (or at least a) rule of fatherhood: don’t discuss your child’s naked body in public. The man not only congratulated his son for that dick, but capped off his public pride with a bashful smiley face.


Justin, I know you want to sue the news outlets who published photos of your penis, but when you’re finished doing that, consider suing your father for, I don’t know, being gross? Is that a thing? Basically I think you should speak with some attorneys and figure out the legal options when it comes to making sure your father never tweets again.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a shovel to buy.

Contact the author at