Just Because Beyoncé Posts Some Nice Pictures on Instagram Doesn't Mean She's Pregnant!

By Megan Reynolds  |  August 8, 2019 | 1:55pm
CelebritiesDirt Bag
Just Because Beyoncé Posts Some Nice Pictures on Instagram Doesn't Mean She's Pregnant!
Image: (Getty)

Please read this following “news” “item” and take it with a heaping serving of your finest Himalayan pink sea salt: Beyoncé put some nice photos of herself on Instagram and now the Beyhive thinks she’s dropping hints about being pregnant??

My source for this very dubious news is the Daily Mail, so again, use caution; it is a slow summer, so we are making lemonade out of some stale-ass lemons that needed to be used up. Here’s a photo of Beyonce in a very nice outfit with some sunglasses that I would like for myself:

If you choose to delve into the comments, you’ll see that some people are speculating that the way the dress is draped in the front is “intentional” and meant to convey to her fans that she’s expecting a fourth child. Something about the stomach? It’s obscured by the wrap dress, maybe? It’s… protruding? I could not parse this further, even if I wanted to, but Beyoncé is probably not giving us a hint about whether or not she’s pregnant. Or maybe she is, and this all-lilac ensemble is meant to convey that there is new life afoot. Or maybe she just wanted to put on a dress and make a photo!? Thinking about this any further will cause my brain to leak slowly out of my ears until I expire, so I have chosen, for my sake, and the sake of my loved ones, to stop. Thank you. [Daily Mail]

It is still up for debate whether or not B-list YouTubers like Brooke Houts are celebrities, but August continues at its glacial pace and the gossip coffers run dry. That’s why we are here, where we are, today: the aforementioned Houts is now being investigated by the LAPD for alleged animal abuse after a video of her spitting and hitting her Doberman was “accidentally” uploaded to YouTube.

Allegedly the clip was a “mistake”—some uncut footage of an “animal prank” video that eventually made it to YouTube. I will not post the video of the actual abuse, but I’m sure if you try hard enough on the Google, you can find it! Instead, here’s People’s description:

In the clip, which was shared on her channel on Tuesday and has sparked an investigation by the Los Angeles Police Department, Houts tells her subscribers that she’s trying to prank her pooch — a Doberman named Sphinx.
When the dog excitedly jumps into the frame, Houts grows visibly angry and reprimands Sphinx by slapping him on the head.
She continues to berate the dog in the clip by yelling, “Stop!” and shoves him to the ground. She then appears to spit on him.
More footage of the incident shows Houts pushing Sphinx and shouting, “Lay down!”

I’m not sure what an “animal prank” video consists of, nor do I care to find out, but the attention economy has driven us to this very horrific place. Honestly, if someone can just find the freakin’ plug on the goddamn internet and PULL IT, that would be great! Thanks! [People]

In nicer news:

Hot girl summer continues apace and Megan Thee Stallion’s knees remain aspirational.