On Friday afternoon, I saw a video on Twitter that, to me, ushers in the actual start of the Horny Time, which was unfortunately delayed because of a global pandemic and sundry other forces conspiring against basements begging to be flooded across this great land.
The video in question was shot by Martin Bienaime, a photographer who owns his own agency in Miami. It features a chain of shirtless, oiled-up men squirting whipped cream onto a peach, eating that peach, and then moving on with their day. If my rudimentary description does not sound appealing to you, sexually or otherwise, I urge you to spend one minute of your time taking a gander.
The question posed by Bienaime is worthy of careful consideration. Having watched this video at least 15 times in an attempt to suss out my own thoughts, I find myself incapable of forming any real, coherent answer, specifically because the men in question are extraordinarily attractive, but also, because I have some lingering questions that must be addressed before I tackle the main question above.
Theoretically, I understand the purpose the whipped cream serves, but I wondered if the horniness of the act in question would be dialed up if the whipped cream weren’t there and we could see exactly what it do with the mouth. But as Ashley Reese pointed out to me, the whipped cream enhances the experience. Fair point. However, the whipped cream obscures the peach, which is a horny butt fruit that, in the right lights, can look like a pussy. The layers of horniness within this video are multifold; the viewer is the peach, but also the whipped cream, but the whipped cream is a distraction that is erotic enough to distract from the main show, which is the peach. What a pleasantly sexual tautological exercise.
My questions, then, for this video are simple. Why is the whipped cream runny? Would Cool-Whip have worked better? Is there a reason they’re passing the cream as opposed to having their own individual cans? Would this have worked with a papaya? Should it just have been whipped cream? No fruit? Cobbler? Watching the video again in an attempt to answer these questions for myself is to be caught in an endless loop of wondering, a prison of my own making from which the only escape is climbing up and over the oiled torsos of one of these handsome gentleman to freedom.
To answer Bienaime’s query, though: All of these men are a Would. However, the third man in the lineup makes eye contact before engaging and is breathtakingly thorough—I appreciate it. The fourth man, on the other hand, is more slapdash in his cream application, but still, takes his time. I bet that room smells a bit of spoilt milk, but truly, beggars cannot be choosers. Let me in. I’m starving.