Here at the headquarters of the Global Feminist Conspiracy, we have a lot on our plates: misandry, oppressing men, hating men, attacking men, growing out our leg hair to ever more luxurious lengths, and, of course, tending to our hundreds of cats. But in the past several weeks, all of our efforts have been focused on one man: Julien Blanc, pickup artist and the single greatest threat to our very existence*.
Blanc lives in Los Angeles, where he's a dating coach with a company called Real Social Dynamics. He's successfully taught hundreds of men how to successfully woo hot bitches with tasteful, subtle tactics like choking them and shoving their heads towards his penis, as this video from one of his sojourns to Japan shows:
Blanc is currently in Australia, where he'd hoped to teach Aussie men important romance tips like measuring a woman's Download Bar, "The imaginary bar that fills up as the night goes on measuring how down the girl is to have sex." You can fill up a woman's bar faster with alcohol! Or making her feel terrible about herself emotionally! Clearly, Blanc is a danger to our sinister feminazi plans, as men cannot be allowed to know about our download bars or how easily they are pressed by a man who can totally tell we're DTF.
Earlier this week, D.C.-based activist Jenn Li launched #TakeDownJulienBlanc, a social-media based effort to keep Blanc's powerful, dangerous knowledge out of the hands of the men of the world. She's succeeding: two hotels, one in Brisbane and one in Melbourne, announced that they would no longer host scheduled Blanc events. Blanc was posting frequently to Instagram and Twitter from Australia, but has gone silent in the post couple days, and deleted all his tweets under the super hilarious hashtag #ChokingGirlsAroundtheWorld.
But now, pickup artists and men's rights activists, who are very smart, have caught onto our real complaints about Blanc's tactics. It's not that he's a racist, sexist, assaultive goober who's hoarding most of the world's supply of hair gel on his scalp. Us ladies are just mad because his pickup artistry totally works.
That's the party line over at Reddit's loneliest dude convention, R/RedPill, where Blanc supporters have gathered to commiserate on just how unfair it is that his seminars are being cancelled. One RedPiller who took a seminar with him in San Francisco writes:
Julien's real and it shows in these articles; he does not give a fuck, which is why he goes to the levels that will either get you slapped or get attraction fast. Also the choking shit is after some convo, it's not his actual opener, no one is suggesting you do that. He's just aiming for the publicity, not actually recommending guys grab throats on the drop of a hat.
That's right! Blanc is only teaching the responsible kind of choking strange women, and the fact that we refuse to acknowledge that clearly shows our nasty feminist bias. As another RedPill brain trust member writes, with his most important points in cogent bold letters: "The true reason here is that girls don't want Julien's tactics to be released into the world because we men will be less receptive to their bullshit."
Other well-known pickup artists are also riding to Blanc's defense. There's SocialKenny, who writes on his blog that he himself is taking a beating from "feminists and their activists henchmen and women," all because he's speaking the truth by saying that Blanc "is currently under heavy fire from the global-feminist machinery." And fellow truth-speaker and hot bitch slayer Marko Polo agrees. The self-described "biggest feminist on the planet" doesn't see what all the fuss is about, vis-a-vis Blanc shoving women's heads into his crotch:
Putting a girls head down to your dick when you're partying is not a big deal either. If you watch the infield video you can clearly see, that she was already very attracted by him and didn't make any sign of resistance. That doesn't mean, that it's totally okay to do so, but in this case I strongly think, that the girl just wanted it by herself.
Of course this is sexual, but how many men do you feminists think are dreaming of being able to put a girls head on to their penis?
A Change.org petition defending Blanc has also been launched, protesting the outrageous "censorship against him." It's gotten a whopping 800 signatures, versus the measly 28,000 that Li managed to gather.
That means just one thing: these brave, smart pickup artists are gaining on us, feminazi henchmen. To the flying monkeys!
But seriously, guys. Blanc is an enormous dickhead, even by the standards of the pickup artist field, a field that's crowded with dickheads, a field that is really more dick than field. We're only mentioning him this once because the story has been heavily covered and because our readers have sent us approximately eleventy million emails requesting that we weigh in on this. Blanc is a sad, small, loose-boweled, human-shaped void and we will not be mentioning him against on this site, unless he cures cancer and perhaps not even then. Life is too fucking short. In closing, please enjoy these photos of the pickup artist as a young man, culled from our deep dive into Reddit's scummiest pools:
*Also, we had literally zero awareness that he existed until three days ago.
Header image via Facebook