Julia Fox Wants Your Kids to Get Their Fucking Asses Up and Work

Julia Fox, apparently bored by tabloid fodder and talking about her pubes, has now pivoted to pedaling mommy tips like why you should give your child a “little mini mop” and a “mini broom.”

On Monday, the Uncut Gems star posted a TikTok to her 244K followers to discuss the “concept of childhood.” But rather than hyping the hottest new breast pump tech or demystifying the toxic, postpartum daddy stitch, the mother of one-year-old Valentino chose to dispel the idea that children shouldn’t waste their early lives receiving toys or playing or using their imaginations:

“Hey guys, I’m just coming on here to remind you guys that childhood, the idea of child, the concept of childhood, was only invented in the 18th century. Prior to that children were just regarded as little adults,” she began. “That’s why in a lot of old paintings the children don’t look the same way that we show them today, you know, with the like angelic features and all that stuff, they didn’t do that back then.”

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She’s got some real art history chops, folks. I can only hope we get more of this detailed education in her upcoming book, which she has called a “masterpiece.” Fox then elaborates on “the idea of child” and how giving into your child’s demands and desires is really just condemning them to be useless little shits as adults. Instead, she counters, you should put the youngins to work.

“I think that the idea of childhood was invented as a way to just get parents to spend a lot of money on shit that kids don’t…it’s not really teaching your kid anything, you just end up raising a kid that’s like helpless and doesn’t know what to do. I’ve found that my son doesn’t care for his toys and he’s actually more interested in like, what I’m doing. So I suggest everyone buy their kid a little mini mop, a mini broom, and start teaching them those life skills really young so that when they enter the real world, they don’t have to outsource for everything, and they know how to do things for themselves. I just think that’s really important.”

Yes, your kid is likely lashing out or misbehaving because they are bored and should simply be put to work rather than waiting to be fed in a hi-chair or provided an arts and crafts project. Buy them a baby toolkit! Teach them to be a baby plumber! Who doesn’t love an additional revenue stream? While we’re at it, let’s also teach them how to do our hair because I’m developing arthritis in my wrist from holding my blow dryer over my head, and Julia has inspired me to have kids sooner so that I can have more help around the house.

While Kanye’s former muse seemed to genuinely hype the Montessori Method (hippie teachings for rich people!) in the video’s comments, Fox’s entire celebrity presence, of course, is camp. She’s the closest thing we have in modern-day celebrity culture to the feigned stupidity of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in the early aughts, and I’m holding onto her for dear life. Besides, I’d rather get ironic capitalist mommy advice from Julia than have to listen to Candace Cameron Bure tell me one more time that her new golden Bible is for sale on QVC.

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