​Judge Issues Final Dismissals of Lululemon Lawsuits

Illustration for article titled ​Judge Issues Final Dismissals of Lululemon Lawsuits

The long, convoluted, and just plain awful battle between sheer leggings purveyor Lululemon and its shareholders has finally come to an unfulfilling end because apparently there's no real legal statue regarding being an asshole. Chicago Tribune reports that in the past week or so, US District Judge Katherine Forrest dismissed three lawsuits: "a shareholder lawsuit against Lululemon, and two lawsuits accusing 11 executives and directors of missing red flags about poor quality control."

But Forrest wrote on Friday that the plaintiffs' "narrative requires the court to stretch allegations of, at most, corporate mismanagement into actionable federal securities fraud."

"This is not the law," she added.

Judge Forrest then banged her gavel and quietly tiptoed backwards out of the intensely awkward courtroom.

Despite having the case dismissed, Lululemon has already suffered a huge and expensive decline—the kind that results from abiding by the maxim "The Customer is Wrong and Also Fat." It will certainly be interesting to see what steps the company will take next. I'm going to guess a yoga-inspired toe-sock comeback.

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Image via AP.

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DISCUSSION

I never walk into their stores but I see the hip, slender women about town toting their bags around and the sayings on it make me want to vomit. Have you read their bags?

"Children of the orgasm of life." (*SHUDDER*)

"Visual your eventual demise." (Thanks, Emperor Palpatine?)

"Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce." (???)

That is one weird ass stretchy pants cult, I tell ya.