Johnny Depp is no longer cool. He does, however, continue to be a marvelous eccentric, as made evident by his whimsical hats, abundance of jewelry, bad movie roles and recent excuse that he that he didn't show up for a scheduled press event because of a chupacabra attack. MY, HOW FANCIFUL.

As Depp told crowds the following day:

"I was attacked yesterday morning by a very rarely seen or experienced animal called the chupacabra. I fought with it for hours. They're very persistent, very mean. And I'm pretty sure it came in my suitcase. I threw him off the 23rd floor, so we'll never see him again."

WHATEVER YOU SAY, YOU FUN KOOKY WEIRDO.

Image via Getty.