As someone who spent nearly two decades as a prisoner of the Southern Baptist church, I can firmly assert that the unmovable stance of pretty much all evangelical Christian churches is that the only good three-way is between the creator of the universe, his only begotten son, and a holy spirit, whose exact definition was never satisfactorily explained to me. Unless, of course, the preacher or one of his kids wants to do some group sex, cucking, or throupling, in which case they’re welcome to bang it out, as long as everyone involved keeps relatively quiet.
According to a report by Reuters, Jerry Falwell Jr., son of notorious shithead and founder of the “Moral Majority” Jerry Falwell, has broken one of evangelicism’s unwritten threesome rules by allowing an alleged seven-year affair between himself, his wife Becki, and their business partner Giancarlo Granda to become public knowledge.
Granda claims that he was just 20 when he met the Falwells while he was working as a pool attendant at Fontainebleau Miami Beach. For the next six years, Granda says he would routinely have sex with Becki while her husband looked on, a practice that’s know in some corners of the internet as “cucking.” Falwell Jr. attempted to get ahead of Reuters’s story by pre-emptively telling the Washington Examiner that Becki (who works on the advisory board of Women for Trump) was cheating, but he certainly was never eagerly peeping around corners to watch: “Becki had an inappropriate personal relationship with this person, something in which I was not involved,” Falwell said.
But Reuter’s ultimately had receipts in the form of screenshots allegedly taken from a call involving all three parties said to be involved in the cucking throuple:
“The material Granda showed Reuters includes screenshots from what Granda said was a FaceTime conversation he had with the Falwells in 2019. During that call, Granda said, Becki was naked as the two discussed their relationship while Jerry peeked from behind a door. Reuters was able to verify Granda’s description of the screenshots.”
And while Falwell Jr. claims that Granda’s motivation for speaking with Reuters is blackmail, according to Buzzfeed, the couple had already bought a Miami beach youth hostel in 2013, one year after allegedly meeting Granda, given him a share of the business, and made him manager of the business. Possibly unconnected but also worth noting, last year, Politico reported that Falwell Jr. had used the non-profit college his father started, Liberty University, as a means of funding his real estate ventures, allegedly improperly misappropriating university funds to finance his son Trey’s property management business and making him a silent shareholder in a hotel near campus. In that same report, colleagues also allege that Falwell Jr. shared intimate photos of Becki, which Falwell Jr. denied at the time.
Earlier this month, Falwell Jr. took an indefinite leave of absence from his role as president of Liberty University after posting and quickly deleting a picture on Instagram of himself with his arm around a woman in a crop top with both of their pants unbuttoned. Falwell later said the photograph was meant to be a joke about the woman’s pregnancy. Meanwhile, students at Liberty University are prohibited from being alone with members of the opposite sex in classrooms, offices, dorm rooms, or in any unlighted area after dusk, per the university handbook.
Last Friday, Liberty University released a statement saying Falwell Jr.’s future as president of the organization is uncertain. But the fun loophole of evangelical fucking scandals is that all Jr. has to do is wait a couple of years, or even months, then go before the other church bigwigs and self-flagellate while simultaneously absolving himself with a sermon that mentions the “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” line from the Bible. The other decision-makers will all nod and forgive him because if they don’t he might tell someone that they’re all routinely fucking and cucking too. He’ll be right back to turning a profit off judging others’ behavior before lunch.
But before any church ladies take a page out the “Public Sex Scandal Church Apology” playbook, please note that this move only works for men. Becki is most likely finished in that town.
Update 5:01 p.m. EST: Jerry Falwell Jr. has resigned from his role as president of Liberty University.