Jennifer Lopez Is Now (Gasp!) ‘Jennifer Affleck’

Move over, Jennifer Garner Affleck. There’s a new Jen Affleck in town.

Jennifer Lopez married her ex-boyfriend, sentient back tattoo Ben Affleck, in Las Vegas on Saturday, exactly two decades after they first got engaged in the early aughts. And court records show she has officially taken his last name, despite the fact that it would’ve been a lot cooler (and made a lot more sense, cosmically) for him to take hers.

What do we call her now? J-Aff? J-Leck? I assume that, like Garner before her, Jennifer Affleck II will keep Lopez professionally, but still—how’s she gonna let Ben just spread his surname among famous American Jennifers like Elon Musk and his dad spread their seed?

This is the fourth marriage for Lopez (Affleck? I’m struggling to do this) and the second for Ben. She’s got twins with Marc Anthony, and Ben’s got a few kids with Garner (Affleck), on whom he cheated with their nanny. I really thought she was just rebounding with her sad, Dunkin Donuts-loving ex when they first started making out on boats together last Spring, maybe to get back at A-Rod, who inexplicably cheated on her with a reality TV star. But nay—this turned out to be very real! A pie on my face.

Ben has apparently purchased a $60-million mansion in Beverly Hills that was previously owned by Danny DeVito and his wife Rhea Perlman, and TMZ reports that J.Lo and her progeny are moving right in.

I’m really tickled that Bennifer 2.0 reunited in full glory right as early-aughts fashion was making a comeback. Time is a flat circle. But honestly, jokes aside, these two are fucking adorable and absolute proof that a woman can find the love of her life while looking extremely hot in her 50s and having nothing left to prove. Cheers to the new Afflecks!