"Jennifer Aniston Is Hot But Pathetic" And Other Ladymag Wisdom

We love The Frenemy’s list of 25 Things Every Women’s Magazine Will Tell You. But why stop at 25?

We can’t argue with a single thing on this brilliant compendium, and feel most ladymags should have it tacked on as an advisory. (A thought, for those who enjoy guerrilla action.) But just in case any of you were inclined to take the Cosmosutra as gospel, we’d better make sure to add:

Never have regular old sex when you can incorporate rocks, ice, candy and other things that will make your man’s eyes widen with apprehension.
In all things, pattern yourself on the sexy tomboy protagonist of short-lived TBS sitcom My Boys. Play pool whenever possible.
In life, as in quizzes, there are three options: prude, slut, and reasonable.
Add numbers whenever possible. To everything.
And most important of all, if you don’t like something you’re reading: wait six months. It’ll be directly contradicted.