Today in Esquire, S.T. VanAirsdale suggests that being a Salingeresque recluse is perhaps the best, most novel path to fame in this brave new world. Um, a little tome called How to be Famous would disagree. Here, a breakdown
In one corner, we have Salinger, we have Garbo, we have Pynchon. In the other, in no trunks, we have Snooki, Situation and Speidi. Who will triumph?
Name: J.D. Salinger
Occupation: Writer of classic fiction
Controversial Personal Life: Relationship with Joyce Maynard
Approach to Celebrity: Becoming total recluse
PR Stunts: Becoming total recluse
Looking the part: Allegedly a health nut and sometimes bulimic. Mostly: becoming total recluse.
Playing the Press: Becoming total recluse
State of Mind: Appeared grim
Control Over Reputation: Total
Fled From: Literary Pilgrims
Reputation: Assured
Quote: "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."
Name: Heidi Montag
Occupation: P.R. assistant, housewife, celebrity, reality TV star, author, designer, musician
Controversial Personal Life: Marriage to Spencer Pratt
Approach to Celebrity: Becoming ubiquitous
PR Stunts: Feuds, marriages, vague political statements, album
Looking the Part: 10 plastic surgeries
Playing the Press: Ubiquity, saying outrageous things
State of Mind: Appears grim
Control Over Reputation: Total
Flees From: Lauren Conrad
Reputation: Assured
Quote: "God knows the truth in all of this, and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?"
Why Recluses Are The New Superstars [Esquire]
DISCUSSION
I only trust the advice of S.T. VanAirsdale when it comes to boat shoes and glasses which make you look like a barely-contained sociopath.