"I've Been Seeing A Pretty 24 Y/O Girl That Has A Master's Degree From Stanford"

In many ways, there’s nothing stupider than agreeing to meet your ex-fiancé for a nice, chummy holiday coffee date just two months after the betrothal was broken. Which is probably why Katie, having initially agreed to Jeff’s overtures, backed out.

(That and the fact that after she’s agreed to clink mugs with her ex, he’d begun sending her strange, flirtatious texts at odd hours.)

So fault her for mixed messages, if you must — it was the holidays, and all that goodwill towards man can make a gal soft; and these bonds just don’t unknit themselves overnight, after all — but know that, after sending a brief, polite note (“I hope you’re doing well. I’m sorry to back out on our plans to have coffee, but I just can’t do it…”), Katie — whose name is, by the way, spelled with an “-ie” — received this Crap:

From: Jeffrey
Subject: Re: I’m sorry – I can’t
To: Katie

Hi Katy,

Look I just wanted to let you know that I’m not living in the past either. I’ve been seeing a pretty 24 y/o girl that has a bachelor’s and master’s degree from Stanford. It probably won’t turn into anything to serious (meaning prob won’t get married) but I’m very grateful for it. Moreover, I wanted to tell you that you read my salray potential wrong off the internet that one time. I make just as much as any attorney that works for the state — at most there’s a $10 a month descrepancy between me and a DAG.

Sorry about getting a little flirtatious in the text messages I sent you. I guess I forgot myself. You were justified in canceling. I’m happy to hear that your doing more than dating and actually seeing someone. I too hope that you’re very happy.

Merry Christmas to you. I hope that you decide to cash-in my open invitation to have coffee sooner than later.

P.S. don’t feel the need to tell me not to email you anymore, I promise I won’t send anymore unsolicited emails for a couple months and then just one to check in and say hi except for a Merry Christmas txt or something like that.

Jeff

Somehow, we don’t believe Katie’s now gonna be all like, “Next year at Starbucks!”