Oh good, it’s the most awful time of the year, and we’ve made a few cards for the occasion. Last year’s anti-valentines were fun, but we wanted to add a few more to the list. Share them with the ones you love, or the ones you hate.

For that person who drives you so crazy that normal Emojis don’t cut it:

For your last-minute Tinder booty call:

For the dude who just can’t satisfy your needs:


For that one friend who always has party favors:

For that person you’d fuck no matter how stupid their hat is:


For the man who could use a gentle reminder:

For the partner who thinks birth control grows on trees:


This post itself is my Valentine to the Jezebel staff and to you, the readers, as I’ve recently moved on to a new job. The past year and a half have been absolutely incredible. I’m so #blessed to have had the opportunity to work along side with such brilliant and beautiful people and to illustrate their stories. Happy Valentine’s Day!




Tara Jacoby is the former Deputy Art Director for Gawker Media. You can now follow her work at Vocativ, where she continues to draw dicks (and other things.) She’s also on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.