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It's National Dog Da–Mother of God Look at This Giant Squid

Illustration for article titled Its National Dog Da–Mother of God Look at This Giant Squid
Image: Getty

It’s National Dog Day, so here’s some crap you can buy for dogs, here is the best dog of all time (RIP Sam), here is a dog smoking a pipe in 1875, and here is an excellent guide to dogs. And now that we’ve exhausted this subject, I would like to turn your attention to this enormous squid!

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Illustration for article titled Its National Dog Da–Mother of God Look at This Giant Squid
Image: Ocean Hunter (Facebook)

On Saturday morning New Zealand time, a team of three brothers and spear fishermen came across a 14-foot-long behemoth. The New Zealand Department of Conservation confirmed that it is a giant squid, according to The Sun. It is not domesticable. It is not tasty. They are believed to be aggressive, once having attacked a yacht. The longest ever discovered was the length of a school bus and weighed a ton–large enough to consume, say, a Saint Bernard.

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A cursory Google search finds that giant squids tangle with their predators, sharks and sperm whales, scarring them with their suckers in epic battles all the time, possibly at this moment. They feed on fish and each other which they chomp apart with their razor-sharp beaks. They are neither good squids nor bad squids. They are just doing their thang, shooting sperm up each others’ arms, squirting ink in whales’ faces, and plotting Putin’s war.

Fear them. Every day is Giant Squid Day.

Staff reporter, Gizmodo. wkimball @ gizmodo

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DISCUSSION

I don’t care how dead a whole team of scientists say that thing is: I would not lie down next to it. We’ve all seen that scene in the horror movie. No. Sir.