If you, like me, read Machiavelli’s The Prince and thought all of the scheming and plotting and murder and whathaveyou seemed like far too much effort and wished there were, instead, some sort of philosophical playbook for not doing shit but getting paid as though you were, allow me to introduce you to the most important Italian philosopher of our age: the unnamed Calabrian who didn’t show up to work for 15 years and got paid anyway.
Italian police say the 67-year-old hospital employee was paid €538,000 (or $647,612) over the course of a decade and a half despite not turning up to work once during those years. This information obviously begs two questions, what the fuck was his job and where do I apply for it?
The man is being charged with abuse of office, forgery and aggravated extortion, along with six managers who are being investigated for enabling him. Reports also say that he was accused in 2005 for threatening a hospital administrator who intended to report him, which is the only part of this story that is not great.
I would say that this man should teach some sort of class on how to not show up for work while profiting, but it seems as though, in Italy at least, no one needs it:
“In one investigation, police used secret surveillance cameras to ensnare 35 workers at Sanremo’s town hall who had been cheating the time management system for at least two years. The wives of two of the employees were caught using their husband’s staff cards to clock on for them, while other staff members clocked on before going canoeing, shopping or out with friends.”
Once again, those of us without wives miss out on yet another perk. However, having someone who lives in close proximity cover is a good idea, and I will look into training my 11-year-old cocker spaniel to write blogs, a switch I highly doubt anyone would notice.