It Turns Out Eating Alone Might Kill You

There is nothing better in this cruel, unfeeling world than strolling into a restaurant of your choosing and sitting down to eat a meal alone—uninterrupted, silent, and completely at peace. Also, it might kill you. I’m terribly sorry to ruin what was previously an enjoyable experience, but a new study shows that eating alone may put people at an increased risk for heart disease and diabetes.

The study, which was cited by Time, says that the worry of death by eating alone is less for women and more for men (yay)—men who dined solo two to three times per week were more likely to have “metabolic syndrome—a cluster of three or more risk factors including high blood pressure, high cholesterol and pre-diabetes — compared to those who always dined with others.”

Per the study, men eating along have a “45% increased risk of being obese and a 64% increased risk of having metabolic syndrome.” For women eating alone, however, some better news: women who ate alone twice a day or more were only 29% more likely to have metabolic syndrome than men. Great.

The study isn’t conclusively drawing a direct correlation between eating alone and dying of diabetes, but part of the reason why is simple: other studies have shown that people who eat alone are more likely to eat garbage. What’s the lesson? Eat alone, because life is short and we will all eventually die and it’s fun, but if you DO eat alone, eat more than just Cheetos and Goldfish and a handful of cherries.

Way to freak me out, study! Way to try and ruin what is the most pleasurable activity a human being can do other than sleeping for eight hours and having sex! Great news. You can eat alone now. Just don’t be a dummy.