Is This the Most Depressing Way to Prep for Prison Ever?

Teresa Giudice will begin serving her 15 months in prison soon, on January 5th, but you wouldn’t guess it by her downright cheery disposition and upbeat plans for 2015. Via Us Weekly, we get this video, in which she spends three minutes talking about a bunch of shit she’s definitely not going to be able to do.

Teresa and fellow Real Housewife of New Jersey, Dina Manzo, got on camera for something called Glam to share their New Year’s resolutions and awkwardly not take any sips of their champagne. Somewhat understandably, neither Teresa nor Dina mentions that Teresa will be spending the year in a federal prison camp, but their blatant non-acknowledgment of what 2015 has in store for Teresa makes the video quite bizarre.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but I was completely unable not to relate everything Teresa said to the fact that she’s definitely fucking going to prison.

Teresa starts by sharing that she is planning to stop eating “bad carbs.” I’ve never eaten in a federal prison, but I’m going to guess that quinoa and hollowed-out whole wheat bagels ain’t on the menu.

Dina says that she’s hoping to simplify her life this year and Teresa agrees, offering: “I’ve been doing that.” Oh, life will get even simpler, dear Teresa.

Dina also hopes to become more spontaneous in 2015. Teresa then laments that she isn’t quite able to do that because she has “four little ones” but, like, also because: prison bars.

In what I have to say is kind of a dick move, Dina suggests that the two of them spend more time together in the upcoming year: “Let’s not let life get in the way and spend more time together this year.”

Teresa repsonds, saying: “I love that.” UHHH SERIOUSLY DOES THIS WOMAN KNOW SHE’S ABOUT TO GO TO PRISON FOR REAL FOR REAL?

I am positive Teresa did this for the money and you really can’t say that the woman doesn’t hustle, but, yeesh. Good for her for remaining positive. And anyone with even a cursory knowledge of the show knows that Teresa doesn’t have the closest relationship with admitting fault or embracing the truth. Still, even for a woman who routinely goes on national television and tries to put a positive spin on the fact that her husband is a criminal and is directly responsible for her going to prison: damn, this is dark.