Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Is This a Boy Nipple or a Girl Nipple?

Only one kind of nipple is welcome on Instagram, but who's to say it's not this one?

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Screenshot: Instagram (Other)

If there’s one thing Facebook hates on its platform (which includes Instagram), it’s certainly not racism or misinformation, but lady nipples.

And Instagram, long notorious for removing any image with just a suggestion of woman nip, was recently back at it again, removing a promotional poster for Pedro Almodóvar’s new movie because the photo allegedly contained a woman’s nipple. After the poster’s designer, Javier Jaén, kicked up a fuss, Facebook walked back their bullshit and said that artsy nipples aren’t a problem, it’s the pedestrian woman’s nipples they have an issue with, per the New York Post:

“We do, however, make exceptions to allow nudity in certain circumstances, which includes when there’s clear artistic context. We’ve therefore restored posts sharing the Almodóvar movie poster to Instagram, and we’re really sorry for any confusion caused,” the company said in an emailed statement.”

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Jaén rightfully argued that this sounds like a bunch of bullshit over an incredibly inoffensive body part, one that a great many of us had in our mouths from nearly the moment we were born:

“‘This is probably the first image I saw when I was born. A company like Instagram tells me my work is dangerous, that people shouldn’t see it, that it’s pornographic. How many people are they telling that their body is bad, that their body is dangerous?” They say their technology can’t differentiate the context. I don’t care. Change your technology then,’ the designer said.”

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However, there was a much easier workaround for Instagram’s rule: Just tell them it’s a man’s nipple. The company only has an issue with this bit of skin when it’s attached to a person Instagram decides is a woman. And while the film, called Madres Paralelas, stars Penélope Cruz, a woman, that’s not to say this faceless nipple, which almost certainly does not belong to Cruz, necessarily belongs to another woman.

Maybe a person called Dave was drinking a glass of milk shirtless in his kitchen and spilled a bit, something that is a highly relevant plot point to a film we have not seen. Or it could be jizz artfully dangling off a man’s chest, which could also be an important plot point to a film we have not seen. No matter which, because neither of these scenarios troubles Instagram’s nipple sensibilities, either is fine. Let’s just not get nasty and imagine a woman’s breast producing a single drop of milk in a way that is not for art purposes. Because that would be obscene.