Homeowners across America have a lot of regret about a lot of aspects of home ownership, including but not limited to not having enough space. Attention, tiny home stans: This one’s for you.
Via People, a recent and slightly fear-mongering survey by Trulia about the state of home ownership today noted that out of all the myriad regrets homeowners have about owning homes, the matter of space ranks pretty high on the list. 33 percent of Americans surveyed wished for more space in the homes that they own, while a scant 9 percent wished for less. As People posits, this could suggest that the tiny home bubble bursting—a stretch, sure, but as a thought exercise, let’s go with it.
In theory, tiny homes sound nice, I guess. Kondo your entire life, throw out all the things that are weighing you down, man, embrace minimalism, put all your shit in one backpack and then move into a house so small that you could maybe touch the wall of the kitchen while sitting in the living room. If you’re lucky, you will have the privilege of climbing into bed every night via a ladder that you retrieve from some architectural feature in the ceiling. Maybe you’ll have to assemble your bed like a particularly vexing puzzle, remembering how to remove the couch cushions and shove the custom-made bench back into the wall just right so that you can assemble something that looks like a bed but is really just your couch, remixed.
Watching Tiny House Hunters, one of HGTV’s many offerings focusing on this phenomenon, is frustrating because everyone’s eyes are bigger than their stomachs. Even though it is common knowledge how the shows work, watching this iteration of the franchise is especially stressful. Marriages on House Hunters often feel as if they’re tested throughout the duration of the show, which is likely part of their shtick. Imagine simmering in a bubbling stew of resentment because your husband somehow convinced you to live in a 220 square foot log cabin that requires you to rent a storage unit to keep your winter clothes. Watching Tiny House Hunters, I actively worry about when many of the people featured will divorce.
You cannot have a dishwasher in the tiny house, because if you do, there will be nowhere for you to sit and eat your tiny food. The toilet is composting because you want your life to be as nomadic and free as your mind is, babe. Plumbing is a neoliberal construct so why bother?! A tiny home is essentially an apartment, but without amenities. Why bother?!
Who are the 9 percent of Americans who desire a smaller home? Show yourselves.