Once every decade or so, the fashion soothsayers at clothing magazines prophecy the return of the 1980s and ’90s mom-standard denim skirt to cultural relevance, a prophecy that heretofore has been incorrect outside paparazzi photos of people like Katie Holmes, who is very tall and rich and therefore able to wear skirts the rest of us shouldn’t. However, in the past few weeks, the unthinkable has happened: the stylish people of Los Angeles have declared the denim midi skirt actually back by wearing them.
And as a result, the still-more unthinkable has also happened—I kind of want one? But is there any way for a not particularly stylish, not particularly tall, and not particularly young person to wear the sort of straight denim skirt that hits about mid-calf without looking like a harried farmwife with three children and a terrible husband from a movie about someplace dusty?
As I peruse my options on sites like Nordstrom or even Saks Fifth Avenue, I am concerned the answer is no. For example, what are these boots? Why is this top all ruffly? Surely these pockets are a mistake? And yet I wonder: what if no belt, black or white tank top, and rubber Birkenstock flip flops? Am I then cool mid-to-late 30-year-old just running to Gelson’s for some rosé or am I doomed to farm mom in perpetuity?
Here is a simpler, more straightforward denim number from my retail frenemy Free People, a company built upon the business model of exclusively selling clothing that seems like a good idea at the time but in retrospect is probably not. Obviously, I could not style this with a giant ranch hand coat, unbuttoned button-down and exposed sports bra because I live in Los Angeles which is also where the sun lives. I also believe that bra as a shirt is only theoretically a great outfit decision, while in practice generally find that it makes me simply look like I forgot to button my blouse. And yet, I very much want to wear this with a plain white Hanes tee and a pair of Chuck Taylors. Will that just make me look like the scene from Overboard where Goldie Hawn gets the pies glued to her hands? Do I want to look like the scene from Overboard where Goldie Hawn gets the pies glued to her hands? Fuck. Maybe.
Can someone please help me? Are these skirts okay or have I officially become harried-mom years old?