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The phenomenon of encouraging human beings to injure themselves in order to wear shoes meant to protect feet from injury is an odd one. From Cinderella’s sisters hacking off parts of their feet to better jam them into a glass slipper to reports of a foot fracture epidemic at the height (sorry) of the early 2000s stiletto insanity, there has long been a strange narrative that the pain of wearing a dainty high-heeled shoe is somehow ultimately rewarding. Luckily, our tortured feet were liberated from their six-inch towers in 2018, when chunky sneakers and ugly-yet-comfy snockers killed high heels. Let them stay dead. There is no need for foot numbing cream to resuscitate the high heel industry.  

Yet the villainous fashion industry, hell-bent on making sure our feet always hurt in order to ensure we’re constantly subconsciously pining for a new pair of shoes, begs to differ. Enter weed-gummy manufacturer Lord Jones’s partnership with footwear designer Tamara Mellon to produce a CBD cream meant to make high heels less painful. Don’t let people feel comfortable in shoes, just make their feet numb!  

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And while studies have found that topical application of cannabidiol (CBD) gel does reduce joint swelling and spontaneous pain, we already have a solution for foot pain caused by high heels: fashion sneakers, maybe a nice Oxford or a dressy boot for very formal occasions. Discouraging film festivals, black-tie events, and workplaces from requiring, either implicitly or explicitly, some people to totter around on stilts is really all the balm we need.