Incredibly Into Kelis' Idyllic Life on the Farm

How’s your life, Mrs. Shambles? Well, Kelis can’t relate!

The musician-slash-gourmet has been living on a farm about two hours southeast of Los Angeles with her husband and two kids full-time since sometime last year, according to this new Harper’s Bazaar profile by author Roxane Gay (who contextualizes the “Milkshake” singer’s lifestyle pivot within the historical dispossession of Black farmers in the United States), and her life sounds pretty incredible?

Now that she’s “farm people,” as she calls it, Kelis is taking care of more than 30 animals (right down to hand-delivering newborn baby lambs) and growing all kinds of produce (kale, broccoli, tomatoes, eggplant, arugula) on her land, which includes a citrus grove and some olive trees. She presses her own olive oil!

Sorry for leading this Saturday’s celebrity news round-up with such a deeply non-scandalous item, but doesn’t this sound nice????

• Shaun White and Nina Dobrev are dating?? [Us Weekly]
• Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition alum Zackery Torres, who recently came out as trans, says she was “bullied” into “danc[ing] like a boy” when she was on the show. [Page Six]
• Megan Fox’s sparkly see-through top is the Lana Del Rey’s mask of shirts. [Page Six]
• “I had an audition, and I got really into it, got really into the scene and it was really dramatic and I took my shirt off, and then you didn’t have to do that,” said Dakota Johnson in a 2012 interview describing her worst interview (literally almost a decade ago, but I just saw it in this “worst auditions” roundup! Sue me! Anyway…) “And then afterwards, they were like, ‘Uh, that was great. That was really nice,’ and I was like, ‘Thank you,’ and had to pick my shirt up off the floor and still talk to them and put it back on. It was inappropriate. And also still embarrassing, and I’m more embarrassed that I just told that story.” [Us Weekly]
• In some alternate timeline, Meghan Markle might’ve gotten together with UK footballer Ashley Cole instead of Prince Harry apparently, had her friend’s matchmaking efforts worked out. [Page Six]
• Someone allegedly stole $300,000 worth of jewelry out of Swae Lee’s Miami hotel room! Who HASN’T been there? [Bossip]
• Jezebel alum Claire Shaffer interviewed Liz Phair! [Rolling Stone]
• They’ve been warned: