Incredible Wow Did Not See This Coming

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Melissa Carone’s updo is truly a site to behold. Though some have called it a “messy bun,” I find the follicle-based feat of engineering far too intentional and precise, not to mention thoroughly not bun-like, to dub it as such. The fraying slopes and angles, held together by an undisclosed number of bobby pins and hair clips rather than a single hair elastic—if Frank Gehry isn’t taking notes, he should probably consider it. I just imagine her standing before her boudoir the day she testified before Michigan’s House Oversight Committee, thinking “I have done this on purpose” as she threaded the final fastener in its place. The head upon which Carone’s updo sits might have no points, but the hair itself? She’s an icon, she’s a legend, and she is the moment.


But back to Carone. You’ll never guess what HuffPost found out about Rudy Giuliani’s star witness, who claimed to have witnessed a buncha voter fraud while working as an IT contractor for Dominion Voting Systems on election night in Detroit. According to senior justice reporter Ryan J. Reilly, Carone had until recently been on probation after harassing her fiancé’s ex by sending her sexual videos and then accusing the woman of stealing them. She was initially charged with first-degree obscenity and using a computer to commit a crime under the name Melissa Wright, though her charges were reduced to disorderly conduct and a year of probation after she struck a plea deal.

Carone? Sowing chaos and confusion about hacking, technology, and lies?? I could not believe it… Anyway, she claims not to have sent the videos herselfthat it was her husband who sent the clips using her phone and that she only took the plea deal because all this legal hoo-ha was wearing her out. “I just said screw it,” Carone told HuffPost. “I’m going to have to take it.” Never a dull moment with her, this woman I learned about two days ago. If she weren’t using her undeniably unhinged starpower to promote fringe conspiracy theories in an effort to keep a violent white supremacist in power, I’d say put her on like the Real Housewives of Dearborn or something.


Jane-Luc Picard

...thinking “I have done this on purpose”...”

OMG I died. I’m dead. She looks such a mess, and you’re absolutely right.

Drunk girl you wish you hadn’t started talking to at a party indeed.