In Shocking Twist, Guy Who Sucks Lied

Illustration for article titled In Shocking Twist, Guy Who Sucks Lied
Photo: Greg Nash-Pool (Getty Images)

It’s pretty apparent that Tom Cotton sucks. I mean, this is the Arkansas senator who wrote that batshit New York Times op-ed in the early weeks of the Black Lives Matter protests that urged the federal government to “Send In the Troops” to subdue demonstrators—the same guy who keeps fearmongering about how “radical” Pres. Joe Biden is in order to rile up his base despite anything truly radical to be found on the 46th president’s agenda. Like, I wish Biden was as radical as this guy says he is, but alas...


Anyway, just because it’s clear that Cotton sucks a metric Whole Lot, it’s still pretty funny to learn new details that break down with a bit more specificity the ways in which this guy right here sucks. For example, Salon reports that Cotton lied about his military experience while campaigning for the House of Representatives seat that preceded his entrée into the Senate. Now, don’t get me wrong—not serving in the military is cool is hell, imperialist participation is the biggest boner killer, etc., etc. But Cotton didn’t make up a military record where there was none—he simply fudged the details about what he did in the Army to make it sound more intense than it was. And lying and deception for political gain? Absolutely loser traits.

According to Salon, Cotton’s oft-repeated claims of having been “a U.S. Army Ranger in Iraq and Afghanistan” are simply not true. In reality, the senator attended the Ranger School, a two-month-long course open to “literally anyone in the military,” the outlet notes. From what I gather, he essentially pulled a Tyra Banks, who has often talked about her time taking business school classes on Harvard’s campus as if she were a Hardvard Business School graduate, when in reality she merely attended one of the institution’s non-degree-granting certificate courses. Humiliating all around!

Cotton’s press team got pretty snippy when reached for comment, telling Salon that the senator “is more of a Ranger than a Salon reporter like you will ever be.” OK, but more is still none?? I...

Freelance journalist (GQ, W, Esquire, elsewhere), here on weekends



The spokesperson’s response is childish but utterly unsurprising.

Meanwhile, Jason Crow, who really was a Ranger, owned him: