I'm Sorry, This Zombie Fish Is Definitely Worse Than Super-Gonorrhea

Early today, Jezebel’s Hazel Cills wrote a post entitled, “There’s a New Drug-Resistant Strain of Gonorrhea, Have a Fun Weekend,” implying you will not have a fun weekend, because you won’t be able to stop thinking about your future of eternal gonorrhea. In it, though, she glossed over the real story: zombie fish.


Mashable reports that this video of a yellowtail tuna flopping around on the tray even though it’s clearly missing its head and is cut in half is not necessarily a sign of the end of times, but rather the results of a fish killer who didn’t finish the job. Japanese fishermen usually put a spike into the fish’s hindbrain, or central nervous system. That kills it instantly and also ends involuntary muscle spasms, which incidentally flood the fish with lactic acid and ruin the taste. I’d say these spasms look pretty involuntary.

While it’s arguably more horrible to catch antibiotic resistant gonorrhea, there are only three cases recorded and scientists are always warning us about resistance to antibiotics. (Constantly. It’s a serious problem.) But my more immediate issue is that I just ate fish for lunch. Am I about to have an Alien experience? Will it flounder out of my belly button and head for the sea? I personally think the ocean will eventually rise and cover us all, in revenge for years of dolphin torture (they’re as smart as us, making them swim with you is sick) but I’m not ready!

Thinking about all the killer fish, inside and outside me, is what will make my weekend fun. How about you?!

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin


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More specifically, nerves “run” on salt ions, such as the ones found in salt water. So exposing these intact nervous pathways to salt water causes the nerves to fire and muscles to contract.

Also works with soy sauce and cephalopods to produce this eldritch horror: