I'm Sorry but Biden's Whole 'Independence From the Virus' Thing Is So Corny

The United States has failed to meet Joe Biden’s goal of getting 70 percent of Americans over the age of 18 at least partially vaccinated against covid-19 by the Fourth of July, ABC News reports. We’re close, with 66.8% of American adults having been administered at least one dose of a vaccine according to the latest stats from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, but we haven’t yet gained “independence from the virus” in time for Independence Day, as the President has phrased it over and over.

Which brings me to my point: This whole thing was so stupid. Not the trying to get people vaccinated part—that part was great, obviously. I mean the whole “independence from the virus” thing. First of all, that’s not how viruses work. Trying to gain independence from a virus is like trying to fight a war on drugs or terrorism—just clumsy metaphors and bad writing all around! Second and most importantly, the Fourth of July is famously one of the worst holidays. (After Flag Day, of course, whatever the hell that is.) Trying to fold the government’s coronavirus response into the nationalist mythologies of a country built on genocide and slave labor? The loudest buzzer noise I can summon!!