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If You Had To Date One World Cup Semifinalist...

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Nerve's Lindsay Cutler raises an important question: if, on pain of death, you were forced to make one of these strapping, gifted athletic teams your boyfriend, who would you choose?

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Your options are, as of this writing, Spain, Netherlands and Germany. And, as Cutler points out, they all have points in their favor: Spain, a confident alpha; Netherlands, the cocky dark horse; Germany, young and energetic. (And that's to say nothing of David Villa!) Cutler ultimately went with Uruguay - a recipe for 3:2 heartbreak.

Besides, there's something to be said for loyalty. Within a few weeks, soccer will have effectively become invisible in America for another four years, and fickle Yanks will have abandoned Team U.S.A.'s component parts once again. Yeah, as a side they're a little brash, they have defensive breakdowns, they give up goals early, they got sloppy. They let down a nation that wants victory, or nothing; certainly USA doesn't have a close relationship with their fan family - but that's not always a bad thing; out-of-control fan love can complicate things, and lord knows no one's going to get shot here over a botched ref's call. They're the underachieving son from the rich family, who wants nothing to do with them unless they meet ridiculous expectations. And they need people to show them love. Plus, they're good with their hands. Everyone wants to date a winner, but real love means for better or worse. Also, never having to say you're sorry. Besides, Glenn Beck hates Team USA - which should add a dangerous tinge of teen rebellion to the romance.

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That said, if we had to answer the question and pick one,* like an arranged marriage situation?

Right now, that's easy: Netherlands is the only team we know for sure is advancing.

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But then there's the Spaniards.

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And let us not forget Germany, which is really dominating right now. Give them a close look, because they could take it all the way. So to speak.

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*Disclaimer: I've watched the World Cup with tremendous excitement, but, tempting as a summer fling might be, I'm in a committed relationship with the Mets.

Which World Cup Semi-Finalist Would Make The Best Boyfriend? [Nerve]

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DISCUSSION

morninggloria
Erin Gloria Ryan

Formula I'd use for choosing World Cup Team Boyfriend:

H*Y- V(L+E)

Where H is the average height of the team because soccer players are so often pint sized,

Y is the number of yellow cards the team has garnered in World Cup qualifying because I like teams that play a little rough,

V is the total number of venereal diseases that the team has,

L is the number of players with long flowing hair because they look like a majestic herd of soccer ponies when they run around with manes like that, and not in a good way, and

E is the number of players who regularly wax their eyebrows.

I'm really shallow.