Hey, Kids! Curious about sex? Maybe you should check out this video from Ignite Church in which a way cool dude explains how your parts work. Sound boring? It's not — bro is hilarious and explains your bodies in terms of carrots and donuts. Rockin,' right? Be sure and check your homosexuality at the door though. This talk is for straights only because, to borrow the words of the raddest Christian sex lecturer in town, "‘God never created us men to sword fight and didn't create women for pastry parties either." No, but he did intend for us to stick carrots into donut holes. Crystal analogies, my man!
Jesus Christ. Here I've been, happily heterosexual all my life, and you lesbians have been having PASTRY PARTIES? THAT'S WHAT YOU DO? That's way awesomer than my lame husband! Gay people have the best relationships.
In a weird way, it kind of reminds me about the Kids in the Hall Poker Confessions skit. A bunch of guys are playing poker, and at some point, they start talking about the things they want out of life. One of them just says he'd like to be a lesbian, someone else snorts and says who wouldn't, and he says something like, "Don't be crass. I'm serious. I'd like to be buried in the sisterhood of women. They have so much less bullshit, and they get so much more done in a day... because they work together." (I actually think this is all started by one of them saying he wishes he could have a period... "Just one a month. You know. I would feel my body get fertile, and I would say no, I choose not to have a baby, and I would meditate on my life.")