I Would Pay $33.09 to Watch Prince Harry Do Ayahuasca

As we look forward to springtime, the ceaseless march of Prince Harry’s Spare press tour relentlessly carries on. Sure, you’ve read the headlines about his frostbitten penis, losing his virginity to a practically ancient woman (she was two years his senior), and his brother’s “alarming baldness,” but have you heard him discuss those things with renowned Canadian physician and author Gabor Maté?! No. But for the convenient price of $33.09, we plebes can listen in on their session, get a copy of Spare, and submit a question for the prince and Canadian trauma expert to maybe answer.

The book’s event page promises “an intimate conversation as [Harry and Maté] discuss living with loss and the importance of personal healing.” I suppose if you’re still looking to Harry as your beacon of mental health triumph then, by all means, drop $33.09 on this hour-long event. I’ve, personally, had to barrel roll off the speeding Spare train 2 Fast 2 Furious-style, as I simply cannot endure another conversation about the traumas the royal family has inflicted on Harry, however legit, that don’t, in any way shape or form, acknowledge the traumas of colonialism writ large. BUT, upon researching the background of his Gabor Maté fellow, I have learned a tantalizing detail that would alter my mind (intended pun incoming.)

Maté is a researcher and proponent of ayahuasca treatments for psychological and spiritual ailments—something that almost got him arrested in 2011, because the medicinal tea is not currently legal in Canada. While I wouldn’t scrounge up a sixpence to listen to another interview hashing out his familial drama, I would gladly fork over $33.09 to watch Prince Harry go on a personal ayahuasca retreat to cleanse himself of the ills of having King Charles as his father. Hell, I’d round up to $34, baby!

Plus, Harry has already taken ayahuasca—he’s written and spoken about his 2016 experience taking the psychedelic in order to work through his personal grief. During his recent 60 Minutes interview, he explained to Anderson Cooper that the alternative drug therapy “cleared the windscreen, the windshield, the misery of loss,” and that it “cleared away this idea that I had in my head that— that my mother— that I needed to cry to prove to my mother that I missed her. When in fact, all she wanted was for me to be happy.”

At this point, after a sit down with Oprah, the interview with Cooper, a Netflix series, and a tell-all book, what else are we really to glean from a chit-chat with a Canadian doctor who only has a quarter of the star power of those other interviewers? If they want folks tuning in on a sleepy Sunday, the producers should take a cue from HBO and add some illicit drugs to the mix.

The Vancouver Sun already reported that the discussion will be held at an “undisclosed location,” so what trouble could it be to move said undisclosed location down south to Mexico where the psychedelic brew is legal and available? Plus, the Brits love tea! This is that “synergy” the big business execs love to drool over.