I Will Never Forgive Myself For Not Buying The Giudices' $100 Beach House

Wow, okay, so I’m really trying to hold it together right now, but I just heard that no one bid on Teresa and Joe Giudice’s amazing Jersey Shore beach house at yesterday’s auction, meaning someone (me) could have literally purchased it for the starting bid of $100. DON’T TOUCH ME, I am NOT okay.

Yesterday, if you will recall, I casually blogged about a major personal decision I had made to bid on the Giudice’s beach house, which has so much history and comes with a paddle boat. However, since the auction did not accept phone bids, and I received—you’re not going to believe this—zero offers for a free car ride or emergency airlift to New Jersey, I was unable to make it in time.

Joe and Teresa’s beach house, 2012

I’m not sure people really understand how serious this is?

Everyone knows that New Jersey is the best place to go if you’re serious about personal growth. That’s why it’s called the Garden State, hello! For the cost of a mid-range New York City haircut, give or take the $348,000 the Giudices currently owe on the home plus the cost of fixing significant lingering water damage from Hurricane Sandy, I could have owned a pink palace of self-actualization, complete with plaster dolphins and several small windows.