I Can't Wait For Ina Garten to Teach Me How to 'Cook Like A Pro'

If forced to choose my favorite food television personality, there is absolutely no contest: it’s the Barefoot Contessa. I would gladly listen to Ina Garten read me the United States tax code while making butterscotch pudding from a mix for Jeffrey because she is my favorite aural Xanax: a fast-acting balm that eases anxiety and gently puts me to sleep. How lovely, then, is this news that she’s shooting a new TV series with a very intriguing title —Cook Like a Pro.

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Eater reports that the new show from the reigning queen of East Hampton will come to the Food Network sometime in mid-May. Details of what the new show will focus on are scarce, but if the title is any indication, Ina will guide the viewer through recipes that are slightly more complicated than the exceedingly expensive but extremely delicious meals she makes on The Barefoot Contessa. I recently made her mocha icebox cake for a birthday and while it was easy(it says “intermediate”, but trust me, it was not), it cost me $60 and was worth every single penny.

The cake featured in the Intagram photo above was also featured in a video a few weeks ago. “Looks professional but with a little practice it’s really easy!!” she writes in the caption, as a disembodied hand with a tastefully sheer manicure pipes straight lines onto perfectly shiny ganache.

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It does look easy, Ina! It looks professional. I don’t want to have to buy a freaking piping bag to better follow in your footsteps, lady, but I’ll consider it. I will consider it.

The thought of learning how to cook like a pro with Ina Garten guiding me through the perils of quenelles or whatever is extremely exciting. We could all use a distraction right now, yes? This looks like just the thing.

Managing Editor, Jezebel

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Jennifart Rhymes With Hennifart

When I am cooking dinner, I pretend I’m hosting my own Food Network show.

“Alright, so now that the flank steak is done, I’m going to let it rest for a few minutes and get started on the guacamole.

The first thing you wanna do is slice the avocado and- pro tip!- strike the pit with your knife and twist; out it goes, just that easy! After you scoop the avocado into a bowl, squeeze in the juice of a lime, add some coarse salt and fresh cracked pepper, then dice a couple cloves of garlic to toss in there, too.

You know, what makes this recipe so great is how adaptable it is to your tastes. For example, my personal secret ingredient is a spoonful of sour cream. Just zany enough to work!

Okay, so. Mash this all together and let it hang out and merry flavors.

Now we can go back to that beautiful flank steak we had set aside.. You know, funny story about steak. One time I was filling up my tank of gas and the place had all these buckets of windshield cleaner with squeegees. So of course you can see, something about steak. My mom loves to tell everyone that story. Anyway, don’t forget to cut against the grain of the meat to reserve its tenderosity.” 

(Accidental cutesy, fabutastic made up word summons)

“Boom Shaka-laka, whoop whoop pbbbbbttttt!”

“Hey, GTFO, Guy Fieri, this is MY show.”

(Fade in to dining scene, sitting at an outside picnic table with friends, nodding, smiling, and sometimes fake silent laughing.)

“Ishgud.”

“Mmm, mmmhmm, mmmhmm, yup.”

“How do you get your guacamole so tangy?”

“If you can believe it, just a spoonful of source cream!”

*mouths drop in delighted surprise, eating resumes, and we see more silent, shoulder shaking laughter. As a special treat, this time they leave their mouths agape, giving the world an HD view of their partially masticated food.*