I Actually Think Melania Should Let Trump Eat Cake

Melania is being credited with Trump's recent, reported weight loss. But here's my take: The man is 77, at that point, just enjoy the rest of your life.

By Kylie Cheung | January 12, 2024 | 4:50pm

I Actually Think Melania Should Let Trump Eat Cake

There are apparently rumblings that former President Trump has recently lost weight, though if that’s the case, I haven’t clocked it. (Then again, I don’t spend a lot of time ogling our former commander-in-chief—I actually try to spend as little time looking at his body as possible!) And, because it’s 2024, with those rumblings have come the standard rumors that Trump may be dabbling with Ozempic or some other weight loss drugs. But according to an inside ~source~, Trump’s maybe-weight loss is due to his diet and, in particular, Melania’s control over it.

Trump is “eating healthier” and eating less from the Mar-a-Lago buffet, according to the insider who spoke to Page Six, while Melania has cut him off from “scarfing down ice cream sundaes or chocolate cake with two scoops of vanilla ice cream on it.” Look: I care very little about what happens to this man or his quality of life because he’s simply awful. But I actually think Melania should let him eat cake. The man is 77 years old. With what few precious years he has left on this Earth, and what years he has left outside of prison (if resistance libs’ ultimate fantasy soon comes to fruition), why not just indulge??

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And if this is all about politics, I’m pretty sure Trump’s supporters embrace him for his open racism, not his body and physical appearance—they’re not shallow like that!

Nonetheless, Trump’s body and health have often been the subject of vulgar speculation, partially because his personal physicians are always saying the darndest things about him. In November, Dr. Bruce Aronwald wrote of Trump in a letter, “I am pleased to report that President Trump’s overall health is excellent.” He added, “Trump has reduced his weight through an improved diet and continued daily physical activity while maintaining a rigorous schedule.” Back in 2015, Dr. Harold Bornstein wrote that “if elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” (IDK, I guess it’s not hard to be healthier than that one president who died of pneumonia 31 days after being sworn in.)

Then, in August, social media flew into a frenzy when Trump’s weight was listed as 215 pounds upon surrendering to Georgia authorities after being indicted—25 pounds less than his listed weight when he turned himself in to Manhattan authorities in March. A few months later in a Manhattan courtroom, he reportedly told the court sketch artist he needed to “lose some weight” after seeing her drawing of him.

So, sure, maybe he has been on a weight loss journey of sorts. His body, his choice, whatever feels best for him, etc., etc. But if it were me and I were in the last golden years of my life, you would simply have to pry the ice cream sundae out of my cold, lifeless, very wrinkled hands…