Hungry Monster Rabbits Are Destroying Cars Parked at the Denver International Airport

Unfortunately, it seems like the authorities patrolling the rabbit-infested parking lots at the Denver International Airport will be forced to call on Brother Maynard to deploy the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. It’s either that or motorists will have to start buying massive quantities of coyote urine to keep hordes of destructive rabbits from nibbling all the tasty wires under car hoods.

According to the Los Angeles Times, rabbits have laid siege to the airport’s parking lots. Despite the increased vigilance of officials from Denver’s U.S. Agriculture Department’s Wildlife Services (they’ve been removing upward of 100 rabbits a week from the prairie around the airport), the problem doesn’t seem to be getting any better. The rabbits are causing hundreds, sometimes even thousands in damage to idle vehicles, since the recently-driven cars at the airport offer excellent refuge from the harsh Colorado winter. Rabbits cuddle up for naps next to car engines, wake up hungry, and devour all the delicious electrical wires in sight. It seems pretty reasonable to assume that the rabbits are all smoking reefer, too, which only compounds the problem.

The only solution, obviously, is to destroy as many rabbits as possible with one massive show of force, i.e. the Holy Hand Grenade. But what to do with the leftover rabbits? Officials say the best bet for people hoping to park their cars at the Denver International Airport is for them to coat their car wires with some coyote or fox urine, which they can purchase at the professional hunting shop nearest them. If that becomes a trend, you can bet someone will accidentally spill some rebarbative predator urine on their carry-on before boarding, making for an especially unpleasant flight for everyone, and an especially delicious bit of revenge for any survivor rabbits.