HuManity One Step Closer To Virtual Sex • British Man Told He's 'Too Fat' To Adopt

• Entirely virtual sex? Perhaps, thanks to the RealTouch, which uses lubrication jets, heating elements and other gadgetry programmed to “give men the feeling of sex.” No word, of course, on what women get. •

• A British woman is pregnant with Siamese twins who share only one body. If the babies survive, they will be Britain’s first ever dicephalus twins. • New research indicates that mouthwash containing alcohol may increase the risk of oral cancer. • Speakers will meet this week to discuss the fate of the cosmetic surgery industry. • Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox will stand trial this Friday for her role in the death of former roommate Meredith Kretcher. • A Ukrainian bride in Britain has placed advertisements for “decent” guests to attend her wedding. • OMG!! 4real!?! A 13-year-old girl sent 14,528 texts in one month. That’s one text every two waking minutes. • Maternity wards across England have been forced to widen their doors to accommodate obese mothers. • A woman gives birth two days after being declared brain dead in a hospital in Oxford, England. • Over the weekend Paul and Caragh Brooks tied the knot at their local Taco Bell. • A baby western lowland gorilla (a rare and endangered species) was born at the National Zoo Saturday. • A Scottish hospital has banned flowers, because of their potential to carry dangerous bugs. • Here’s an unexpected gender bias: recent layoffs have affected men at a greater rate than women. • A New York waiter has been charged with a hate crime after he played an Arab chant at a Jewish wedding reception. • War crime prosecutors have charged ex-Congo VP Jean-Pierre Bemba with encouraging the use of mass rape as a weapon against civilians. • A married couple was refused permission to adopt on the grounds that the husband is “too fat” to be a father. •