There were times in the past when an audio recording of Donald Trump making some gross utterance to a radio or TV personality came with the happy possibility of his demise. “This will be the one that finishes him off!,” the 2016 versions of ourselves crowed in triumph. The 2017 versions know better, so it’s with little enthusiasm and lots of chagrin that I tell you that new audio of Howard Stern’s interviews with Donald Trump have slinked out from the mud. They’re not good.
FactBase has all the segments, should you have the stomach to listen to them. My fragile psyche could only take the most recent one from August 2015, in which Stern asks, presciently: “Do you really want to be president? Because I look at your life...the White House is a horrible place to live compared to Mar-A-Lago.”
Trump’s response is notably not affirmative. “You know what I want to do? I want to do a good job.” Hmm, but as what? As a president, or as a jar of Vaseline quietly eating an overcooked steak on a golf course? As a leader of the free world, or as a brutal infantocrat? Trump replies by insisting he can solve China, adding: “I’m having a lot of fun.” He got to go to Iowa!
“What are you going to do day one?” Stern asks later in the interview, after requesting that Trump “blow up the moon.” (There’s still time!) You know what? Trump has to take a phone call. He’d better go.
“You know what I’m going to do when I’m president? I’m going to do a great job,” he says before hanging up. “There’s so many things we’re going to do, but we’re going to do a great job, and we’re going to take care of the country.” And with that, he’s gone.