How to Make the Ayn Brand, a Vodka Cocktail That'll Get You Objectively Shitfaced

• 3 oz vodka
• 1 oz balsamic vinegar syrup
• 1 cherry tomato
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 3/4 cup balsamic vinegar
• 1/2 cup water

In a small saucepan bring sugar and water to a boil. Stir until the sugar dissolves. Kill the heat (should yield 3/4 cup). Add an equal amount of balsamic. Bring to a boil. Lower heat to a simmer for 1 minute. Stir, let cool and refrigerate. Use to serve yourself while showcasing your value as an innovator.

Pour all ingredients into a mixing glass with ice. Stir rationally for 25-30 seconds. Strain into a chilled martini glass neat. Garnish with a cherry tomato and never sacrifice yourself for your audience. Assert your values as self-value! Tell your story as a heroic innovative business weighed down by society.

David is an artist from Ridgewood, Queens, that makes drinks, drawings, and questionable decisions in the name of scientific regress. Follow him @drawdavedraw.