Lately we’ve been talking a lot about men and how they are doing more than ever to embrace women’s progress and challenge old notions of masculinity. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t confusing for them. The pressure is still there to be “men,” whatever that means, and, in fact, it seems no one is sure what it actually means.
In a nutshell, it means whatever you want it to, dudes. It really does. Take this one and run with it. Just as women have, you, too, can carve out your own version of what it means to be a man. This is awesome, and can be extremely liberating if you think about it.
In a piece over at The Cut, Ann Friedman offered up a few current points circulating in the ether these days about the crisis of masculinity in 2013, and it all boiled down to one richly worn, leather-bound hot beef:
What’s striking isn’t the lack of consensus on what defines masculinity now, but the utter confusion about how to go about doing so. That’s because America is finally getting around to having the conversation about what it means to be a man that, decades ago, feminism forced us to have about womanhood. Women still face social consequences when they don’t conform neatly to gender norms, but many of even the most ideologically progressive men are just now starting to talk about how to break with masculine stereotypes and still hang onto a sense of gender identity.
The idea, she explains, is that men are kind of stuck trying to do both things — they are hanging onto certain traditional markers of masculinity, but also doing things that by past standards, would be considered feminine. The moisturizing facial soaps. The caring. “This theory might explain why you can often find rugged pickaxes in high-end clothing shops of urban America,” Friedman writes.
But this is exactly what women did, too, and it is part of the natural process of moving away from rigid gender roles. As women slowly entered the workforce and earned a paycheck and greater autonomy, as they infiltrated nearly every strain of American life once cornered off for men alone, it isn’t as if they singlehandedly shed the trappings of femininity, no matter how much right wing nutjobs tried to argue otherwise.
Hey, even the most powerful women in the world still seem to know how to slap on a coat of lipstick, one of the most allegedly obvious markers of gender there is. But we embrace the ambiguity of being female no longer meaning any one true thing. It’s just part of our deal now. We can, as a result, do lady things when we want and understand the fun of it, the appeal of it, the role-playing of it. No, everything isn’t perfect. It still gets in the way of being taken seriously. We’re working on it. Help us.
What this means is that men don’t have to throw the baby out with the old-fashioned shave water, either. If feeling like a man is growing a beard, having just-so shined shoes, or pickling, have at. No one is taking away your right to play dress up.
Keep on doing mostly all the old things they want (if desired), but with that has to come the ability to accept the inherent humanity and equality of others. So if your man activities are things actively involve denying women a spot at the big table, then it’s bullshit. And you’re going to hear about it.
Sorry. That’s where we are now. That’s where the needle has moved.
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