How Much Are Your Trips to the Toilet Worth?

My favorite part about commuting to the Jezebel office in Times Square every day is the exercise I get from jumping over the streams of piss shooting out from the urethras of the huddled masses. As everyone knows, it’s almost impossible to find a public bathroom in this city that isn’t overtaken by rodents.

Luckily, there is a company working to change all of that. PeePass NY, a start-up born “out of the anxiety around the pee experience that especially affects women,” is looking to solve New Yorkers’ pee related woes for as little as $2 a month. PeePass is currently raising funds to build out an app that will provide a list of “clean, gender-neutral” restrooms at locations they refer to as “PeePartners.” These locations range from cafe bathrooms to client-only bathrooms located in salons. All a subscriber would have to do is find a PeePartner, show them their pass, and gain unfettered exclusive access to that partner’s toilet. What a time to be alive.

In a city where almost anyone can go into a Starbucks and pee for free, it seems a tad elitist to agree to pay $2 a month to do less work to find a toilet. But the overarching idea of the app is that the toilets on their list are “pre-vetted” and would supposedly pose no imposition to folks who are differently-abled or gender nonconforming. No word yet on whether these bathrooms are also vetted for parents with children and babies, but the project is still undergoing beta testing. If beta testing and fundraising are successful, PeePass could launch as a full-fledged app in March 2020. Interested parties can go here to pre-order a PeePass and be one of the first to take a “fair” and stress-free pee next year.

While PeePass as a concept does nothing but raise questions in my mind, the most pressing one is, does PeePass cover pooping? Wouldn’t a safe place for pooping be more profitable? Pooping, after all, is frowned upon in most public bathrooms, and people would probably pay a full dollar more for a list of poop friendly locations. This topic is not addressed in the company’s FAQ.