How Manscaping Cost England The World Cup

Illustration for article titled How Manscaping Cost England The World Cup

The Daily Fail knows why England's World Cup hopes were crushed yesterday when it lost 4-1 to Germany: forward Wayne Rooney waxed his chest before the game.

Advertisement

Quoth The Daily Mail, "Did this flirtation with personal grooming account for his loss of powers, just as it did to the once superhuman Samson?" Another England player, Frank Lampard, was widely mocked for being photographed with his chest and armpits waxed. (At the time, the paper had wondered in agony, "What's next, Frank, mascara?")

Illustration for article titled How Manscaping Cost England The World Cup
Advertisement

"Painful," remarks author Gavin Allen, "but not as painful as England's World Cup exit."

Indeed. Though they manage to cram in some biblical exegisis (really!) it's not entirely clear who is the Delilah to Rooney's Samson. But encroaching metrosexuality isn't the only thing to weaken the English team. To beleaguered team coach Fabio Capello, The Daily Mail recommends, "banning waxing kits as well as mobile phones and WAGS." Will the emasculation ever stop?

Is Wayne Rooney England's Samson? [Daily Mail]

Earlier: The Sirens Who Destroyed Their Boyfriends' World Cup Performances

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

CassandraSays
CassandraSays

Dear men - enough already with the defensive machismo. If other men choose to wax their (whatever) it does not actually harm your gender as a whole. Kindly mind your own business and stop gender policing your fellow dudes. All this paranoia about what is and is not appropriately masculine does not make you look strong and manly, it makes you look insecure.

Love, a woman who does not care whether or not you wax your pits.