How Does One Rank The Top Ten "Sexiest" Schools?

Well. At least now we know how “sexiness” is platonically measured.

Of course, there have always been ways of measuring “fun” — Kaplan’s been doing it for years. (And it’s not for nothing that my own alma mater earned the sobriquet, “where fun comes to die.” ) But sexiness? Indeed, here we have the “Top 10 Sexiest Colleges.” How, exactly, did Unigo quantify this intangible? Well, it would seem, a few ways:

-“Sun, skin and carousing” quotient. Most of the sexy schools are in warm and sunny places.

-Attractiveness quotient. Examples: “The best thing about FSU is the girls. They are gorgeous, they have brains, they are hot. Can I say it again? They are hot.” and “Everyone is always dressed up in their trendy clothes and/or skimpy beachwear when they head to class and when they’re walking around campus.” and “The females [here] are beautiful girls. We were ranked No. 2 in the nation for hottest girls by Playboy!”

– Scoring quotient. Examples: “On a Saturday night, students here are known to become EXTRA friendly.” and “You’ll never have to have fun with the same people twice if you don’t want to.”

– Relatively STD-free student body quotient. “As for the STD stereotype, I don’t have one, nobody I’ve ever hooked up with has had one and none of my friends have any, so that stereotype about socially outgoing students isn’t totally true.”

-Gambling quotient. Example: “There’s gambling, there’s alcohol, there’s skin … and then there’s class in the morning.”

– Women: Men Ratio: “Men are high demand here since there are few of them, even fewer that are straight, and even fewer that are single. Guys who fit this bill will have girls all over them.”

Now that you know exactly how to measure sexiness, you can put lots of things to the test: bus rides, doctor’s appointments, trips to the laundromat. You’ll come to understand that Jersey Shore is, in fact, the sexiest show in the world, that “outgoing” is apparently code for “Chlamydia” and that “sexiness” is, apparently, not determined by women. That’s what we call continuing education.

Unigo’s Top 10 Sexiest Schools (PHOTOS) [Huffington Post]
[Images via Shutterstock]