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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Holly Madison’s TikTok Is the Only Brainworm Worth Having

The revived "bimbo" apparent, former Playboy bunny, and “Disney cheug” is very busy reviewing home improvement gadgets.

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Photo: Ethan Miller/Getty Images/TikTok: Holly Madison (Fair Use)

Recently, I have learned some really neat facts about former Playboy bunny and author Holly Madison: She likes pickles, her celebrity twin is Barack Obama, and she dreams of purchasing bluetooth kitchen toys. In other words, one of the greatest original “bimbos” of all time is now an Every Woman, and I know this because her TikTok account is a treasure trove of random knick-knacks and sincerely adorable domesticity.

Over the last few months, the 41-year-old former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner has been anointed, once again, as a tabloid fixture. In the A&E docuseries Secrets of Playboy, which premiered in January, Madison spoke out against Hefner and the brand that made her famous. If Madison’s name sounds more than vaguely familiar, it’s likely because you knew her from the E! reality show The Girls Next Door, which chronicled her time living with Hef in the Playboy Mansion. Her allegations against Hefner ranged from claims that he didn’t use protection when he slept with various women to coercing them into behavior, sexual or otherwise, by threatening to release a “mountain of revenge porn” he’d been keeping on them. These claims are also precisely why I did not expect Holly’s social media presence to be so, well, regular.

While the rest of us are busy debating the merits of “bimbo” reclamation, Holly’s out here in her strawberry-scented, bubble-wrapped TikTok corner actively not giving a fuck what any of us may think of her. In most of her videos—save for a series where she tries on her old Playboy lingerie—the mom of two is literally just lounging around while applying Twilight filters and mouthing Megan Thee Stallion lyrics like the normies. She tells us how her “For You” page is about fifty percent #modernwarrior, asks her followers, “Where my five heads at?” and has even shown us her food baby. A self-proclaimed “spooky Disney cheug,” she’s also posted about visiting Disney’s Epcot and thinks it’s funny that internet hoes call her a “DEMONIC QUEEN” in her comments.

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And did I mention that she loves pickles? No, seriously, she has posted no less than three pickle videos with audio that says, “Pickle girls are bad bitches, pickle girls have all the riches.”

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Arguably, Holly’s most enthralling TikToks are her reviews of products that are technologically advanced beyond my understanding, (and appear to be from the year 3000) which she discovered through her “queen” @alienshopping888. When I tell you that a former Playboy bunny’s home improvement gadget discovery videos are the new wholesome puppy videos, I am not playing you. There is nothing more innocent than Holly Madison, giddy with excitement, screaming over a bunch of videos of cleaning products as she figures out what exactly they are: “It’s an egg on a stick!!!!”

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I adore these TikToks more than a reasonable person should because, truly, Holly Madison is not really doing anything at all, other than being a goof. If I were to more deeply consider my love for Holly’s sweetly mindless content, it would probably hinge on the very fact that we expect her “bimbohood” and more salacious past not to have evaporated. Yet, all of these things we’ve previously attributed to her persona — corsets, twiggy thighs, platinum blonde hair, and buoyant, fake tits — are suddenly just remnants of a life now buried. Thus, the surprise of her innocence and childlike nature.

In a way, to get lost in her feed is to actively disengage with who Holly once was — to forget that she was once controlled by a vindictive, elderly sex offender who ruined many women’s lives. Of course, she still runs an OnlyFans account for $17.33 a month, but perhaps this is Holly’s version of “bimbo” justice: making videos about Disney, Sydney Sweeney, and cleaning products in peace.