Hitler's Dick Was All Fucked Up

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When my grandfather was a young boy, he fled his home in Vienna to escape the Holocaust and arrived in New York City with not much more than his wood fiber pants, which had comically shrunken after getting soaked with salt water on the trip over. He would learn English, join the U.S. Army, earn his B.A. and Ph.D. in educational psychology, and eventually buy a house. He did this, in part, for me and my future—he escaped the worst kind of trauma and built a life in America so that I could write about Adolf Hitler’s possible micropenis.


In a new book entitled Hitler’s Last Day: Minute by Minute, historians suggest that one of the top villains in history may have been obviously compensating for his lacking artillery. After studying Hitler’s medical records, Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigle conclude (via the Daily Star):

“Hitler himself is believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality: an undescended testicle [which we knew already] and a rare condition called penile Hypospadius in which the urethra opens on the under side of the penis.”

The Urology Care Foundation describes Hypospadias as such:

...The hole may be any place along the underside of the penis. The meatus [hole] is most often found near the end of the penis (“distal” position). But it may also be found from the middle of the penile shaft to the base of the penis, or even within the scrotum (“proximal” positions). Over 80 percent of boys with this health issue have distal hypospadias. In 15 percent of those cases, the penis also curves downward slightly, a condition called “chordee.” When the meatus opens further down the shaft, curvature occurs in more than 50 percent of patients.

The birth defect, which reportedly affects one in 200 boys, can also result in a micropenis.

I cannot claim this with medical certainty, but I suspect that when he peed, it looked something like this (but directed down at the floor):

Image for article titled Hitler's Dick Was All Fucked Up

The more you know.

Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

Images via Getty and Eugenegg/Shutterstock.



Wow, so making fun of birth defects is totally and 100% OK because one person who had a birth defect turned out to be a mass murderer. Lets go make fun of some downs syndrome kids and kids with cleft palates. My son had hypospadius and had to have surgery for it at six months old. Its not so funny when you’re sitting in a waiting room at a hospital, Joanna.