Hillary Clinton Finally Admits She's Thinking of Running for President

All that Hillary Clinton 2016 speculation just went from wishful political fanfic to political possibility, as the former Secretary of State and First Lady admitted yesterday that she’s “thinking about” running for President. Everybody freak out!

Clinton’s admission comes after what feels like years and years and years and years and years of speculation and fairly obvious moves by pro-Hillary contingents to get their ducks in a row in case she does run. Here’s what she said on Tuesday, according to TPM,

I am obviously flattered and deeply honored to have people ask me and people encourage me. I am thinking about it.

(I push back my chair so hard that it flips over backwards before sprinting out the door of my office, down the stairs, and to the street, pulling an old woman from an occupied taxi. “TAKE ME TO THE NEAREST TATTOO PARLOR, DRIVER!” I yell in a state of borderline mania. Driver drops me off in the East Village and I race in demanding immediately that I be given a full back tattoo of Hillary’s face and the words THIS BITCH FOR FUCKING PRESIDENT [arrow down] on the back of my neck. The tattoo artist is dubious and recommends I split a tattoo of this magnitude into several sessions. “NO! I WANT IT NOW! ALL OF IT! THERE’S NO TIME! HILLARY CLINTON SAID SHE’S THINKING OF RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT!” The reluctant and fearful tattooist does what I say. I pay in bitcoins, run from the shop, push a delivery man off of his bike, and pedal like hell until I’m back at my office, my back throbbing in righteous pain. I finish reading the quote.)

But I’m going to continue to think about it for a while.

GODDAMN IT. JUST RUN FOR PRESIDENT LIKE I WANT YOU! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS ENORMOUS JOB DISQUALIFYING TATTOO?!?!?