Hero Cat to Throw First Pitch at Ball Game, Books Major Magazine Cover

Since saving her owners’ four-year-old son from a dog attack earlier this week, Tara the Hero Cat has become America’s favorite celebrity virtually overnight. And everyone wants a piece.

Since the video went viral (side note: I’ve been working for this website in some capacity, on and off, for three and a half years, and it’s the most viewed thing I’ve ever posted. Really makes you think), Tara has been everywhere — TODAY, every single website in the entire world (including Stormfront and Pornhub, probably), other local and regional news outlets. The rise of Tara has been so meteoric, the video at the center of her fame so perfectly framed and executed, that a part of me wondered over the last few days whether Tara the Righteous Bolt of Fucking Lightning is actually an elaborate Kimmel prank. I’m still not entirely convinced it’s not. The viral terrorists have won. [Ed: And I’m totally okay with that, so long as the terrorists are trafficking in awesome cat videos.]

Savvy marketers are pouncing on Tara’s high profile. She’s slated to pose* for the cover of an upcoming issue of Cat Fancy, the Vogue of cats. The Catsmopolitan, if you will. And the owner of the Cincinnati Reds-affiliated minor league team the Bakersfield Blaze have booked Tara and her boy Jeremy to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at the team’s home game on May 20. But cats can’t throw! one might protest. To that I say: neither can Carly Rae Jepson.

What’s next for Tara? Sky’s the limit. But I think I speak for a lot of people here when I say I hope Tara doesn’t let this fame go to her whiskered walnut brain head. The last thing America needs is a cat who spirals down a dangerous path of unnecessary plastic surgery after seeing herself on HD TV.

*Cats “pose” by doing whatever the fuck they want, so hopefully Tara will sit still, blinking at the camera with dead-eyed annoyance for long enough that the cat photographer gets a good shot. I’m sure they’re professionals over there at Cat Fancy.