Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Here's Who Should Host the Oscars

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The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences still hasn’t found its 2019 Oscars host, says The Hollywood Reporter. This isn’t completely out of the ordinary—around this same time last year, Jimmy Kimmel was announced as the 2018 host—but they’ve usually locked someone down by October at the latest.

THR executive editor Stephen Galloway, who calls the gig the “least wanted job in Hollywood,” on account of how none of us ever seem to like what the host does, notes that a bunch of big-name people have reportedly passed on the job, from Tina Fey and Amy Poehler to Oprah Winfrey, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Jerry Seinfeld. That still leaves a handful of obvious candidates—The Guardian suggests Tiffany Haddish, Maya Rudolph, John Mulaney, and Kristin Wiig—along with some not-so-obvious ones. We’d be remiss if we didn’t suggest a bunch of people for the job as if anyone gives a shit about what we have to say on the matter:

  • Patti Harrison and Lorelei Ramirez
  • Gritty (a given)
  • Cate Blanchett (too much power??)
  • Jaboukie Young-White in five years (need to work out time travel)
  • Ricky Gervais (I like when he said “god doesn’t exist” on live TV)
  • Mira Sorvino (make the men pee, take to the stage middle fingers up, ponytail up à la Leiomy Maldonado)
  • Cher
  • Ariana Grande (master impressionist but I don’t want Jennifer Lawrence to like it)
  • Laverne Cox (she can perform!!!!)
  • Busy Phillips?
  • Andy Cohen (little bitch but good TV)
  • The Jezebel staff (they’re okay!!)
  • Jezebel’s freelance contributors (not to speak for Jasmine, Rebecca, Whitney, Lauren, and Hannah, but I personally would love to ruin my life on live TV for a couple hundred thousand dollars)
  • Nathan Fielder (Hollywood’s biggest sub, perfect for job)
  • Not Jim Parsons!!!!!

It’s probably gonna be Jim Parsons.