Here’s That Unhinged, Delectable Celebrity Beefaccina You Ordered!

Hey, bitch. Do you like bowling? Well, Zara Larsson thinks you can fucking choke.

At least, that’s what I’ve inferred from the Swedish singer’s most recent Instagram story updates in which she goes long and hard against both the concept and the act of “going bowling.”

Larsson writes:

There’s something about bowling and like ‘going to the bowling alley’ that I absolutely cannot stand for the life of me. Some would even use the word hate for my feelings towards bowling. I would seriously like someone 13% less if we were going on a date and they were suggesting ‘let’s go bowling’ are you Fucking serious? It’s making me super sad. Misarble even. Bowling it’s not something i do. I don’t know where these feelings come from? Because I HATE waiting? Maybe. I want it to b emy turn all the time. Becuase I’m not very good at it? Maybe. It’s so scary to me when people are good at bowling. Anyways, have an amazing night.

At first, I was like, “Hey, fuck you and that store you may or may not own I’m not sure.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she’s right. Bowling is kind of stupid and not fun? The ugly shoes that never fit right and make you feel like you’ve got no grip on the floor—like you’re a simple little air hockey puck floating above blow-holed plastic rather than the beautiful, intelligent Woman of Today that you are and would obviously rather be. Were Zara to write a newsletter in order to further unpack her anti-bowling views, would I subscribe? At this point, it could be said…

“You want me to put my fingers up in there AND wear ugly shoes? No thanks,” she continued. “Maybe that should’ve been for the private story? I don’t like to be negative but my friend just broke off her nail from going bowling and a part of me is like…that’s karma for going???”

I’m starting to think that yeah, it just might be.

Where do you all fall on this? Are Larsson’s brave, unorthodox views correct, or are you deep in the pocket of Big Let’s Go Bowling? Shound off in the cromments below…