When Halloween falls on a weekday as ungracious and rude as a Tuesday, all you really want to do is eat candy corn and fun-sized Snickers in your cubicle and go home. Chances are someone at work will show up in cat ears or dressed like Shrek, and you’ll have to go to a costume contest at lunch, where someone will hand you a hee-larious Trump mask and you’ll be forced to pose for a group pic for HR.
The above scenario is a nightmare, but it’s a nightmare that the hosts of your favorite daytime television shows will also endure, but on a much larger scale. Let’s take a look at how that worked out this year.
Today
Nothing will erase the horror that was the cast of Today dressing up like Peanuts, but this year, we have a new nightmare—Megyn Kelly dressed as Shania Twain.
Looks like the theme for this year’s group costume was “country musicians.” This is fine, but I wish Megyn Kelly would stop.
- Carson Daly as Billy Ray Cyrus
- Matt Lauer as Dolly Parton (why?)
- Savanna Guthrie as Kenny Rogers
- Hoda Kotb as Blake Shelton
- Al Roker as Willie Nelson
- Kathie Lee Gifford as Miley Cyrus
Here are two cursed images from this spectacle that I present without comment.
Good Morning America
I have not watched Good Morning America in perhaps decades, as I am fiercely brand loyal to Today, so all of these people dressed as superheroes are relative strangers. Please enjoy the eight minute-long video of the hosts and then enjoy the list of their costumes below.
- Robin Roberts as Wonder Woman
- Amy Robach as Spider-Man
- Lara Spencer as “Black Widow” from The Avengers
- Ginger Zee as Baby Groot (god!)
- George Stephanopoulous as Clark Kent
- Michael Strahan as Thor
The Talk
Wow, this looks so fun. I can’t believe it’s happening for a third year in a row. Wow!
- Julie Chen as Cyndi Lauper
- Sara Gilbert as Ozzy Osbourne
- Sharon Osbourne as Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins
- Sheryl Underwood as Prince
- Guest co-host Carrie An Inaba as Lady Gaga, complete with a “mid-routine costume change.”
Well, isn’t this something.
Ellen
I do not care for Ellen’s insistence on dressing up every year as Karla Kardashian, but Ellen doesn’t hear me, so I’ll have to suffer in silence.
- Ellen as Karla Kardashian
The View
Look at this spectacular Once Upon a Time cross-promo from the cast of what used to be my favorite daytime talk show when Lisa Ling was on it, approximately nine hundred years ago.
- Sunny Hostin as “Jadis the White Witch”
- Joy Behar as Pinnochio
- Paula Farris as Waldo, as in Where’s Waldo
- Sarah Haines as the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar
- Meghan McCain as Little Red Riding Hood
- Whoopi Goldberg as Mother Goose
Two things: where did they put the horse after Meghan McCain rode it into a television studio?
And: I love this.
The Real
Oh my goodness, I really love this. Creativity! Fun! No one looks too scary!
- Adrienne Bailon Haughton as Cardi B
- Loni Love as Beyoncé
- Jeannie Mai as Lil’ Kim
- Tamera Mowry-Housely as Nicki Minaj
Live with Kelly and Ryan
I’m so sorry to have to bring you this, but I forgot the show existed until an image of the Property Brothers both dressed as Wonder Woman flew across my screen. It looks like maybe no one is watching Live with Kelly and Ryan because the amount of Halloween 2017 content they’ve pumped out is truly appalling. Because today is a day for ghouls and goblins and ghosties and fun-size Snickers, I will share it all with you, here, now.
Ryan Seacrest dressed like Kelly Ripa and Kelly Ripa dressed like Ryan Seacrest.
Wow, I hate this!
No. No! no thanks. Please. Madam! No.
We will update this post as more costumes are revealed.
DISCUSSION
Adults have ruined Halloween. There, I said it. And fyi to the costumed parents who come to my door with their kids expecting candy: I’m going to be taking candy from you dimwitted poseurs. Get some dignity, put tennis shoes on with your work clothes and reluctantly walk your kids around the neighborhood, staying at the end of the walk, like the self respecting adults of yore. No one wants to see your dumb Winnie the Pooh wearing ass at the door.