Here Are Some Closets That Are Bigger Than Your Apartment

Illustration for article titled Here Are Some Closets That Are Bigger Than Your Apartment

If you're feeling too good about yourself this morning, please take a break from all that unnecessary happiness to feast your eyes on closets that are worth more than you are. Of course, you have to move to Los Angeles and sell your soul to get one of these doors to Narnia, but it's clearly worth it.


Although big-ass closets have been big for the past ten years, we can thank the 2008 Sex and the City movie for their skyrocketing popularity. Naturally. However, Carrie's unholy shoeseum doesn't hold a candle to what's currently going down in Beverly Hills.

The rich and famous of la la land are building out $100,000 closets that are large enough to host parties in. Parties where people hang out in the closet and go through your clothes and drink your wine and laugh at your jokes. (Read: parties where you, an insane person, keep others hostage while everyone watches you model your cutest outfits SO FUN!) If partying amidst smelly shoes isn't your thing, other closet connoisseurs say their closet is the ideal place to kick back and dive into a good book. And still others insist that when they're sad, their closets give the best hugs*. For everyone it's the same thing: Their closets are their best friends.

Same goes for the men folk:

For men, closets are evolving into something akin to high-tech man caves. [Professional closet designer Lisa] Adams says she's designed closets for men with breakfast bars for yogurt, cereal and drinks and leather couches for watching TV. "It's a living space, more than just for grabbing clothes," she says. Interior and closet designers say glass sneaker displays with lighting from below and sunglass drawers are also popular features.

Wait: MEN EAT YOGURT?!!? I guess the ones who do must eat it in the secrecy of their closet; our close-minded society hasn't yet accepted this kind of love. Also: why does anyone need a BREAKFAST BAR in a CLOSET? Are you too good for a kitchen? And don't get me started on the fact that we're creating even more rooms to watch TV in. I love my TV overlord just as much as anyone with a crippling addiction, but I'm a gazillion percent positive you don't need a TV where you change your dirty drawers.

Other common** closet requests include refrigerators for makeup (?), and a "'virtual styling tool' consisting of computer screens and iPads set up in the closet so people can work remotely with a stylist who has a visual inventory of their clothes to scroll through." That second request was from Cher Horowitz. Also, you don't need a fridge unless it's for fresh fruit flavored toaster cheesecakes.


All that said, I'd obviously die happy if I could just set foot inside the beautiful butterfly's butthole that is Mariah Carey's closet, so I can't judge too hard.

*This isn't definitely true, but it might be.
**Obviously "common" is relative


Image via LA Closet Design.


A Small Turnip

I just found myself sighing quietly to myself and wistfully thinking, "I wish I had money." And you know what's so fucked up? I do have money. Not a lot, and not anything in the same galaxy as these folks. But I'm okay. I'm warm. I have a cosy place to live. I have good food to eat and clean clothes to wear and a computer to type on and money enough to send Valentine's Day flowers to my best friend. Compared with the conditions that the vast majority of humans have had to live in for millennia, I'm at the tip of the fucking top.

And yet, one look at a fancy-pants wardrobe, and I feel hard done by. My god.

Who am I?