Help Frozen's Anna Give Birth to Her Baby in This Bizarre as Fuck App

An unlicensed game app featuring characters from Disney’s Frozen allows you to perform a Cesarean section on Anna. Because that’s exactly what you wanted to do after you saw Frozen, right?

BuzzFeed played the game (made by a company calling themselves “Frozen Games”) to save the rest of our souls from it. The object of the game is to help birth the baby of Frozen‘s Anna and Kristoff.

Here’s how BuzzFeed describes the crux of the game:

A very pregnant Anna lies before you, stomach exposed. A bouncing cursor indicates toward the “Foetus ECG Monitor….A sort of helpful cursor indicates you should drag the monitor to her stomach and kind of move it around….Next the bouncing cursor indicates a hypodermic needle — and a red X on Anna’s vein….Anna smiles lifelessly as you ease the epidural into her bloodstream….In maybe the first and only Frozen-y part of the game, you drag the first orb across Anna’s stomach to apparently freeze it for some reason. She develops an icy patch over her belly. Now it wants you to pick up the scalpel. The scalpel. You are now performing a cesarean section on Anna from Frozen.

NOPE.

NOPE TO ALL OF THIS.

Sure, maybe games or apps that talk about pregnancy can be a good teaching tool for parents who want to get their kids familiar with various aspects of childbirth. But unless you are a being on the planet Mikloap Alpha 7, there is no purple glowing orb that magically emerges from your womb because someone waves a special sparkle wand over it. No. Despite what they are trying to teach in Texas high school’s sex education classes, this is not what happens during childbirth.

After the baby is born, you have to use the scalpel to cut the umbilical cord (SO MUCH GODDAMN NOPE HERE) and weigh the baby.

There other bizarre non-Disney sanctioned apps, including “Baby Elsa’s Great Manicure,” “Anna and Kristoff XMas Cleaning,” and “Frozen Nose Problems,” which helps you blow Elsa’s nose. OK.

It’s been reported by Doctor Disney that Disney is attempting to crack down on vendors selling unlicensed merchandise, especially Frozen stuff. Seems like there could be a good chance they will catch onto these games and eventually put the squash on them.

Maybe this just a way for people who write fanfic about Anna and Kristoff having a baby to live out their ultimate fantasies. Either way, it’s clear we have reached peak Frozen saturation.